The events from the 12th February 2020. I sought support to help me move forward, mentally, from the car accident, emotionally it really got me. I finally contacted (through recommendation) a spiritual medium, Nicola Harvey. And today was the day when I would first speak with Nicola.

In between the car accident and now I had made the decision to sell the company that I had been building for the past 6 years. I needed to create a life doing something else, but initially I just needed a break, time out to remember who I was, I wasn’t lost but I was void. Void of joy, void of being able to see ahead and plan a life. I was determined not to let life pass me by. The wheels were in pre-covid motion, and the company was be valued and packaged up to sell, privately, this was not public knowledge, in fact I didn’t really tell anyone for 12 months, not even family.

Today was my first ever spiritual reading. I wasn’t too sure what to expect and if I am being completely honest a little bit sceptical. What was this all about, what was supposed to happen? Nicola soon connected me with my Grannie, Granddad was reading – I could picture it and see what they were doing and their mannerisms. I was guided through a reading based on my past and present which was accurate. The future guided me to a place of comfort, and I didn’t need to know where or what I was doing but to trust in the path…OK….

It was clear that I needed to focus on what I was doing. Trust the path; simple! Time passed on this journey really slowly, it was almost like waiting for the school day to finish…. every day, like every minute, seemed to pass slower, sometimes it felt like the second hand didn’t move or even went backwards… Sometimes I would question the pathway, a bit like how I would question myself. Imposter Syndrome is quite common, although a bit like NLP not many people have heard of it, yet they suffer with it. Imposter Syndrome is where we fail to recognise ourselves and the good we do, we might focus on the bad, not recognise our successes, feel like a fraud…well this was me. I felt like a tiny fish in a huge pond of expects waiting to be gobbled up by a larger fish that was going to see through me and declare me as incompetent! All my clients would leave and ask for their money back, my name would be a warning to those businesses owners to make sure they carry out due diligence on their accountants. Dealing with this for years alongside remembering client deadlines (these CANNOT be missed) and yet for the first 5 years of running the business they were all in my head, every system, every client, every issue, every HMRC deadline, their fees, their services, not to mention names the spouses name, any children, the dogs, cats, horses, goldfish, birthdays etc. You name it, it was stored in my head – the clients spoke with me about their accounts, their issues and sometimes when stuff was going wrong behind the scenes at home!

When I reflect back to that day in February 2020 and what came from it, I now recognise how amazing I was supporting all my clients, they might not have always like the outcome of their tax bills, the payroll figures, knowing what suppliers they owed money to or even hearing from me to pay me. BUT I supported over 170 client accounts in the end, pretty much single handed. I am extremely proud of myself for doing this and so thankful for the relationships I had with the clients, that in most cases became friends.

I would never have been able to say that when I was running my business, in the end I just wanted to hide – it was exhausting! The processing of selling a business, if you haven’t done it before is not for the faint hearted. If this is something you are considering doing, make sure you have the best team around you. It was at this point I realised that I was in charge, I know that sounds a bit weird, but I think I used to let me clients rule the business, and I just did the work, pulled left, right and centre and made a deadline. I never really took control; I always hid in the work itself. So, when I was making the decision about selling, I was in full control, except when it came to bartering and contract terms etc. Selling a company is like asking your husband* (*delete as appropriate) for a divorce, but you’re not allowed to tell ANYONE!! You must go through everything with a fine-toothed combe. Imposter Syndrome was huge – OMG they are going to go back through my accounts, and I will have committed fraud, they will find this and report me, and I will go to prison. They will then see I have repeated this across my client accounts, and they will report me, I will go to prison. At points I genuinely believed I was going to prison, they were going to see me as a big, fat fake and I was going down!! Obviously, they didn’t find anything detrimental, and the sale went through but for me the comparison, selling my business versus divorcing my husband, level of stress: The Business WINS! Every day for the best part of 9 months, moving out (of the office), dividing items, contacting suppliers, phoning clients to tell them, the whole thing was emotional, physically, and mentally draining.

I did it. I achieved it. It is one of my successes.

So, what was next….

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